Most specificly not me.  The almost constant outages across blogdrive this weekend are what finally did it for me.  If ya want me I'll be over at my new home, Buteo Auguralis Pervalidus.

~The Mighty Buzzard

They say that cleanliness is next to Godliness, right?  Well, while washing my tail feathers, I got myself what seems like about the best damn idea I've heard or thought in about two decades.

So, there I was grabbing a smoke before I jumped in the tub.  I had the TV on to give me something to pay attention to besides how much I need to sweep the shop floor.  I got to hear how San Francisco is not going to allow an old mothballed Naval ship to be turned into a WWII memorial in their town because they hate anything to do with the military.  I thought to myself, "Mother fucker," and turned the TV off, stubbed out my cigarette, and went in to soak in the tub.

I laid there, steaming more than the water, and just got more and more pissed off.  One of the first things I thought was that I really don't mind that much anymore if North Korea wants to have ICBM nukes, so long as they aim towards Berkeley.  That didn't seem quite personal enough though so I pondered taking a sawed-off shotgun to one of them Let's Call The Military Facists parties.  "Sure, that'd be fun but it wouldn't really accomplish anything beyond the personal satisfaction of a job well done," says another bit of my brain.  Then it hits me...

Pay Mexico to take California back!

Bingo!  In one fell swoop we'd rid the States of Hippie-Mecca and solve a large part of our illegal immigration problem.  You may begin the accolades of my genius now.

~The Mighty Buzzard

Since we've been quoting the hell out of it lately, here it is.  What's Opera, Doc

So, go ahead, Warner Brothers... arrest me, ya punk bitches.

~The Mighty Buzzard

This one's gonna be short and to the point.  I more or less know what conservatives think about Iran lately but I've got no clue what moderates and liberals think about the matter.  So, whadda ya think, ya damned hippies?

~The Mighty Buzzard

Lucky-special psychic powers enhancing ballcap, check.  Most of a pot of trucker strength coffee in me, check.  Way too much free time, check.  Must be time for my impression of Nostradamus.

I predict that the bit tagged on to the recently signed into law Violence Against Women and Department of Justice Reauthorization Act, specifically section 113, will be overturned by the courts this year.  Why would I go predicting this, you may ask?  Mostly because it is so poorly written that it would end up making a huge portion of the comments on blogs, and even on slashdot, illegal.  How's that?  It makes it illegal to post anonymous, annoying messages to someone else.  Don't worry though, you're still allowed to annoy the world at large from your own blog; you just can't annoy folks on their blog, in their email, through IM, etc... anymore.

Now before you liberal types get your pretty pink panties in a bunch, it's not Arlen Specter getting fed up with people trolling his blog.  It's just what happens when you do a blanket extension of the existing federal stalking laws to any electronic medium without bothering to clarify yourself.

Me, I'm having a hard time wanting it overturned, despite the ramifications to the blogging community and free speech in general.  It'd be right handy for dealing with spammers, jackasses who feel the need to forward lame-assed jokes, fuckers who feel the need to send me disguised links to goatse, and anyone bothering me for tech support.

Oh well.  Confucius say, "You take the good, you take the bad, you take em both and there you have the facts of life".

~The Mighty Buzzard

There's a phrase used fairly often in the military that's been on my mind today, above my pay grade.  Basically, it refers to a situation or decision that comes with far more responsibility than the subject in question has any business taking and is likely to get said subject's ass in a wringer with his or her superiors later.  For example, criticising battle plans would be above a PFC's pay grade.  A Seargent speaking to a reporter on the politics of a war would be going above his pay grade.  Got the general idea?

Pat Robertson may have been wrong or he may have been right in opining that Sharon's stroke was a punishment from God but he went way the fuck above his pay grade in saying so on television.  I find it's usually a good idea not to claim to know the details of the unfathomable plans of a deity.

~The Mighty Buzzard

Ok, so they're retarded but geor3ge's bastard-ass got my brain thinking in lists tonight.  Since I'm lazy I'm only doing five of each but I'll throw on another category at the end to make up a bit.

Five things to do before I die

1. Take as many afternoon naps as possible.
2. Buy another motorcycle and never sell it again.
3. Give geor3ge my hard cider recipe.
4. Throw up outside a pub in Ireland.
5. Get Ron Jeremy's autograph.

Five things I cannot do

1. Sing (well at least).
2. Play an instrument.
3. Draw worth a damn.
4. Read anything by David Eddings, Dean Koontz, or R.A. Salvatore.
5. Appreciate poetry. Yes, all of it.

Five things that attract me to...Blogging

1. The hot, young groupies flinging themselves at me.
2. Ripping on liberals.
3. People I'm arguing with are out of punching distance; jail = bad.
4. The ability to post inane entries like this because I'm too lazy to write a real one.
5. The hot, young groupies flinging themselves at me.

Five things I say most often

1. Mother fucking, son of a bitch telephone!
2. Cockbiting Fucktard.
3. Damnit, I'm out of beer.
4. Mmmmmm... beer....
5. That lazy fucker needs to write something. (shortly after checking geor3ge or jeff's blog)

Five books that I love

1. Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency - Douglas Adams
2. Peter Pan - J. M. Barrie
3. Modern Perl Programming - Michael Saltzman
4. Night Watch - Terry Pratchett (the entire Diskworld series, for that matter)
5. The Odyssey - Homer

Five movies that I watch over and over again

1. Grease
2. McLintock!
3. The Quiet Man
4. True Grit
5. The Blues Brothers

Five people that I want to join in too

1-5. Yeah, right... Like I care about anyone else's opinion.

Ok, there's the list and here's the bonus category.

Five people I plan on killing when I finally snap

1. Hanoi Jane
2. Every last bastard who voted for A Beautiful Mind instead of Fellowship of the Ring for Best Movie.
3. The first person who doesn't use their turn signal after I snap.
4. The fuckstick who decided to cancel Angel.
5. Myself. (mostly so I can say "You'll never take me alive, coppers!")

There we go.  That's three entries in two days.  Suck it, blue!

~The Mighty Buzzard